THE DANDYLION DIARY: ASTURIAS SUMMER 2011 - Toby, Tom, Richard and Michael.

12/08
9pm - board sleeper train bound for Asturias; "the real Spain". All extremely excited about this moment. Cleverly designed sleepers with their own mini showers and fold out bunk beds all in about 8m2. Polish off a bottle of cava in an instant and head for dinner (average) which we enjoy to the steady rock of the train as it heads north. Early to bed. Bottom bunk for me and top for Tom. Did I say steady rock? Funny how perceptions changed with eyes closed. A background hum becomes a full orchestra and a steady rock hits 5 on the Richter scale. Thank god top-bunk Tom was hemmed in by a metal framework to avoid rolling into the toilet mid- trip. Bleary-eyed breakfast and back to the room to clean teeth. Why oh why does the shaving cream tube look identical to the tooth paste? Do they do that on purpose? With Gillette-fresh teeth, I alight the train. ! I'm not sure but I would swear the ground is moving.

13/08
8 am - Walk towards the hotel in Oviedo sun, unbeknown to us it is to be the first and last of the trip. All excited at the prospect of the Ayre hotel housed in the new Calatrava-designed conference centre, an arresting building in signature style. Check-in, get changed in loo. Hotel all a bit too white and "try to hard" for my liking. However, we have been upgraded to suites so who's complaining. Off to town for a tourist spin.. cathedral - tick, main square - check, market - done. Very pretty. Relaxed day and siesta in lovely bed (see 11/08). Arrive at chosen restaurant for dinner. Closed in August! Why do they do that? I guess they must be in Barcelona on holiday! Second choice restaurant in main drag. Waiters pour cider from heights almost successfully into glasses "to aerate it". With or without air, you can keep it. Like bitter scrumpy? Go to Asturias. Dinner very disappointing. Can't even remember the name of the restaurant. Let's check out the scene someone suggests. Well, Saturday night at Versache's bar (no, it is not a typo) is a bit like the man himself; dead. (Sorry Gianni, couldn't resist that). At least it made us all feel youthful. I guess any young gay man worth his salt gets out of here once the nappies are off. Probably all living in Barcelona. Good night Oviedo.

14/08

42 today. Will it rain? It normally does. Approach window and open curtain to confirm my belief that the heaven's nearly always open on my birthday. Breakfast, gym and check-out. This morning we are off to the pre-Romanesque building of Santa Maria de Naranco, one of a clutch of buildings of the same style in the region. "Pre-Romanesque" goes the conversation in the car. What is that then? After casting our minds back to those tippex-sniffing moments during history lessons at school and all still unable to fathom how a building from 848 could possibly pre-date the Romans! Duur, read the guide! The Romanesque period started in the 11th century and has fluff all to do with the Roman Empire. Santa Maria de Naranco - check! Rain - check. Back in car - check. We head off to Cudillero, "the prettiest fishing village on the Asturian coast; and it knows it" - claims the guide. We check in at the Casona de la Paca, just outside Cudillero in the village of El Pito, loosely translated as "Todger". Sounds vaguely Dorsetian don't yo think. The hotel is a lovely house set in pretty gardens with cosy rooms. Check in and head for lunch on foot. 500 metres past new builds and empty plots cordoned off by wire fencing. Country bliss it isn't. We arrive at the restaurant of choice, El Pescador. Admittedly, this is the busiest weekend of the year in Spain but after waiting for 90 minutes for mains, tempers (mine mainly) begin to fray. It's my birthday godammit! The food is okay but far from the unbeatable cuisine we were all expecting. 90 minutes waiting time = too much wine, so we all slope off for a siesta after lunch. Rejuvenated, we head to Gijon for the evening. Annual fiesta and fireworks. Lovely evening . Maybe we should have spent more time here. Another birthday over; phew!

15/08

Wake after an amazing sleep (again) and enjoy an amazing breakfast (again). Drizzle? Check! Read the papers, grab brollies and head for Cudillero. Well, that's what we came for! Shabby chic doesn't quite hit the mark. Faded beauty? Nope. Delapidated, dingy? Yep, that's more like it. Probably looks nicer in the sun! Decide to ditch our guide book and sniff out more picturesque spots but not before a peek at Playa del Silencio, "one of Spain's most beautiful beaches". Okay, the approach is lovely and the cliffs dropping down to the sea are worth a photo but let's not go overboard. Probably looks better on a sunny day, we all agree. The guide gets stuffed into the glove compartment and off we go. With a plate of fried potatoes and blue cheese inside us we jump in the car and end up at Playa de la Concha... That's more like it. A quiet cove with a small hotel restaurant, Casa Miguel, at one end. Wine anyone? Yes please. An hour spent over a bottle of crisp Galician white gazing out to sea and putting the world to rights leads to dinner in the unassuming restaurant and perhaps the best meal of the trip. Cuttlefish in red wine and soy sauce! Oh yes...

16/08
Is it raining or am I dreaming? No not dreaming... We grab the car and drive off to Aviles, "once the most polluted city in Spain" - whooppee! Can't wait. But hang on a sec.. It is now home to a fabulous new conference and exhibition space; a gift from one of Brazil's many national treasures, architect Oscar Niemeyer. So, off we trot, expecting to see dead horses in the river and locals with unsightly skin diseases and alopecia. But none of the above. Aviles has a lovely old town with a nice vibe which is a pleasant surprise. Our hotel, the NH Palacio de Ferrera, overlooks the main square and is housed in a lovely 17th century palace. The Niemeyer centre on the other hand disappoints both in form and content. The buildings fail to impress any of us and the exhibitions available are of little interest to people who aren't particularly interested in searching for the interesting side of something of little interest (excuse my ignorance) Guggenheim, eat your heart out, NOT! Personally, I miss the point of putting a city on the map only half-heartedly. Why bother? After lunch we set off on another magical misery tour as we head for the surfers' paradise that is Las Salinas. The photo in the guide (yes, out it came again) was alluring; so off we go. Bugger! Fooled again, that sly photographer took the shot with his back to the twenty-odd, grey 1960s skyscrapers. What is this? Elephant and Castle-on-Sea? Bundle back into the car and search around fruitlessly for something more, you know, characterful! Dinner in Aviles and bed.

17/08
Not going to even mention the weather. Sod it! Today is the day I've really be looking forward to; Los Picos de Europa, Spain's greenest and lushest mountain range with bears and linx and everything. Are we going to heaven or are the clouds getting lower? Where are we? Stop! This is dangerous! Yep, a blanket of mist frustrates our moment of bucholic bliss and plans to visit the lovely Covadonga with its mountains and lakes. Whatever! This trip has been ever so slightly blighted by the weather, so we take it on the chin and head back down towards the coast. This time to the east and the seaside town of Lastres, which comes third in the Miss Asturias beauty contest. Well, who wrote that damned guide anyway? Burn it! Lastres is a beautiful spot spanning some stunning beaches. The quaint town creeps up the hillside overlooking the Atlantic bays and provides some lovely panoramic walks. The sun comes out for us (a bit) and we all revel in our last few moments of our holiday at El Mirador restaurant, a not-so-stylish place with good food, decent prices and spectacular views of the coast. This is more like it. Two bottles of Martin Codax later, we waddle down to the Jurassic coast for a walk, admire a dinosaur print and head for the airport.

In all, this has been a great trip with amazing mates. We have laughed, we have relaxed, we have been restrained, and not gone overboard. Thank you my dear Asturias. See you next time without my guide book!